Yin and yang is a Chinese philosophical concept that describes how obviously opposite or opposing forces can actually be complementary, interconnected, and interdependent in the natural world, and how they can give rise to each other by interacting with each other.
From my journal, February 13, 2022:
« I’m back home and frankly it feels extremely good. When I walked in the front door of my childhood home, I breathed in the smell of it, and I think that was one of the most reassuring things for me along with seeing the faces of my father and sister. How beautiful my sister is. She really looks like an angel. Her silky light brown hair has grown out nicely, making her even more elegant (if thatâs possible). I can’t really find the words to describe my sister since no adjective really does her beauty justice. I know she is, and always will be, one of the most beautiful creatures I have ever laid eyes on.
I saw my grandmother again after many months and it made me realize how fleeting life is. Since she is getting older, (she loses her memory of course) she repeats the same things over and over again and often says with nostalgia that she was once young, that she is old, and that it shows now. My sister told her that it is a privilege to grow old; everyone is young at some point but not everyone gets old. It’s really such a special characteristic of my sister.
She has this way of saying a few words that are so expressive, of saying a short, simple sentence that has so much depth to it. She has so much depth.
Today she cried, and I wanted to destroy the world and everything in it, because I never want anything or anyone to hurt her. Sometimes I realize that her head is playing tricks on her, hurting her heart, and I understand that we can’t always protect the people we love. Especially from themselves, even if that’s all we want, just to protect ourselves, because it’s almost unbearable to see the people we love suffer.
We are all victims of our psyche, we are all victims of ourselves.
Our bond evolves in a very interesting way. I see how much our experiences have affected us, similarly and differently. I realize that it’s hard to understand each other and that I didn’t try very hard when we were young. But I have forgiven myself for those moments of dismissal. I think she has forgiven me too. I hope so.
We sit next to each other on the woven wooden bench on the balcony, each smoking her cigarette. I love moments with her. I feel that when we’re together, an aura envelops us and everything outside of that band of light surrounding us seems so obvious, so easy, because there’s us. »
I feel, I know, that we came from the same flame that split in two, to embody two different bodies, two different beings, with different personalities, but complementary. Each of us carries the energy that the other lacks.
I am lucky to have a mirror that reflects the image of my face and the energy of my soul. It is difficult to talk about meeting my sister since I have known her for as long as I have existed, and I think she is me and I am her.
« The higher purpose of twin flames is to discover and access unconditional love of self, but also of the other, and to create a vibration. »
I write on February 16, 2022:
« I am with my sister at the office where she works. I see the things she has built and think to myself that this girl has a mind of steel and is the person that is the most true to herself. My sister is a big inspiration to me. I love seeing her move, talk, react and interact in her environment. I love to see her laugh.
I have so much pride when I see her just being. Honestly, my sister (and I’m not just saying that because she’s my sister) is the most beautiful woman on earth. I feel sad that I spent years in partial misunderstanding of who she is completely. I didn’t understand why I didn’t understand anything. Then I realized it was because she has always been there. A lot of times, we take the people we love for granted. »
She was there, accepting to be there, to be invisible sometimes, to be misunderstood, to bear the weight of injustice, to give in to the demons that made her believe that she was an unfair person, insensitive, overly sensitive, irrational, illogical, unpredictable, unstable, annoying, unintelligible, not nice enough, too nice, selfish, too generous, never good enough. Excessive, abusive, deficient, flawed, imperfect.
Yet I can see why the world would fight to make her believe this nonsense. I see why people would try to crush all her qualities. Why some people would want to make her believe things that are not.
Because it’s overwhelming, someone like her. It turns lives upside down.
This generosity, this purity in the soul, this deep empathy, this contagious laughter, this aura that can be felt from miles away, this inner light. She is music. She dances. She makes me dance. She is too beautiful, it is so hard to express it, words will never be enough.
I refuse to let her put herself aside because she has believed for a long time that she does not live up to the expectations of others. Fuck the others. Fuck them all. Those others, all they want is a piece of you. A piece of that madness, a piece of that excess, a bit of your joie de vivre, a lot of your strength, your intellect, your ability to accept and fight for who you are, against all odds.
Nothing will ever be descriptive enough. You are a universe. How lucky I am to be a part of it.
I will always, forever be with you. Even if I wasn’t always, even if I lost my way, even if I let the viper’s tongues throw their poison and tell me things about you, as if they knew, those snakes. They don’t know anything. They don’t have a clue. I know. You are me and I am you. I only know life with you. We exist together and always will. Most won’t understand what I mean by existing. I mean that I know no existence without you.
That race to the egg that most people (when they were sperm) won alone, we did it together. We fought together, at the same time, to exist side by side. I only want to exist alongside you. We won life together.
« The total distance a sperm travels is about 15 to 18cm, which is the equivalent of 100 olympic swimming pool lengths for a man. » Hundreds of millions of sperm and only one winner.
Not in our case. We win together, always.
My existence is marked by her existence, she was the first being I met, I touched. The first soul I felt, the one I was conceived with, the one who was conceived with me, the one who accompanied me on the path of life, the one with whom I shared our mother’s womb.
The one who will accompany me throughout my life. I only know how to exist with you. We only know how to exist together. The same entity, forever linked.
Some people spend their lives looking for such a connection. Many never find it. Life has given me a gift.
I was born out of my sister’s unconditional love for me, and I exist for that unconditional love. It was out of the question to exist without each other, I feel it, I know it. It is out of the question to exist one without the other.
There is an undeniable cosmic link that will forever lead us back to each other. What. A. Chance.
The object of my life is me. But she is me. There is no me without her. She is the moon to my sun, my reverse polarity, the yin to my yang, the voice of my heart, the summer to my winter, the north to my south, the light to my darkness, the inner energy that enables my outer strength, the intuition to my instinct, my opposite and my complement, my only necessity, my twin.
I know we have different lives, different goals and different desires, but there is no experience in my life that does not involve you. There is no experience in your life that doesn’t involve me. Even physically we feel each other. It is inevitable but forever our pain will be shared, our sadness will be shared, but our happiness will be shared.
Thank you for sharing my life since the beginning of our life.
Thank you to life, for giving me the privilege to share your life.
Thank you for existing and making me exist.
You represent all the love in the world for me.
Bendy Blabbers 